Am I a bad wife?

As my 10th wedding anniversary draws near, I wonder, "Am I a bad wife?"

My DH, bless him, takes care of 99% of the house work. I couldn't tell you the last time I did a load of laundry. I emptied the dishwasher last week and loaded it up again...first time I've done that in recent memory. We have a lady come in every second Wednesday to vacuum and dust (I have allergies & asthma and can't be in the house when that's being done, so she comes in the morning on a week day).

Our Christmas tree is still up!! It's nearly the first of March and our damn tree is still up and decorated! How pathetic is that? Pretty soon, I can stop being embarrassed that it's STILL up and brag about how early I got it up for Christmas this year!

One of our dogs just had major surgery and in the three days that she's been home, I've only hot packed her sutures 3 times (out of a possible 9-15), given her her meds 4 times (out of a possible 12).

Sounds pretty bad, doesn't it?

Now consider...

Since early December, I have been working 60+ hours a week (the last four weeks have been 70+). I am so freaking tired. All I feel like I do is get up in the morning, go to work in the dark, come home at night in the dark, eat something out of necessity that I have no recollection of 5 minutes later, try to unwind for half an hour doing something mindless, fall into bed, lather, rinse and repeat...day after day.

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't dream of working the hours I have been - even I think it's beyond ridiculous. I'm a contract worker, so I only get paid if I work. I don't take vacations for the same reason (last "vacation" was in 2003!). I'm having surgery later this spring and will require minimum 4 weeks off of work to recover. That's 4 weeks without pay. That's a substantial chunk of change for me. I have put off this surgery for years because of excuses like I can't afford the time off work. Things are finally falling in to place where I can now feel like I CAN take the time to do something that needed to be done years ago. I'm putting money away now to help carry through that time, there are people in the office that can take over some of the work I do while I'm away, so I don't have to feel completely guilty about leaving for that long.

Marriage is supposed to be "give and take", but lately it seems I'm doing all the taking and not very much of the giving in terms of the daily running of the household, but I don't know how to change it. It's so bad that he called me an "ungrateful bitch" last night. *sigh*

There is nothing I would love more than to stay home and take care of the house and him, but based on our current situation, that will never happen, and so it's "I owe, I owe, so off to work I go".

If anyone out there ever runs into my doppelganger, please give her my number. I could sure use a couple of extra hands...

On another note, in retrospect, perhaps I should have taken home ec in High School instead of shop!